Jokes : Mamak & Bangla

Nak di ceritakan tentang Mamak dan Bangla le pulak, sebab banyak gak kisah mereka yang boleh di artikelkan. Korang pun tentu ada yang kalau tak kena teh tarik atau roti canai digerai mereka memang tak sah betoii takk??

Di kisahkan ada le suatu hari aku pi pekena roti canai disebuah gerai mamak di kotaraya tu.. Maka aku pun oerder le makanan seperti biasa dan ada jugak beberapa orang pelanggan, secara kebetulan ada le seorang Mat Bangla ni pun tumpang sekaki minum dan makan roti canai di gerai mamak ni.. Wahh.. cukup hebat dressing nya Baju warna Pink color dan seluar warna Puteh.. Waktu adayang lepas makan ada le seorang pelanggan yang dah habis makan maka berkata le dia..:

Pelanggan: "Mamak.. katanya tolong kira ... berapa?...
Mamak: "Ok Ok.."

secara serentak si mat Bangla ni habis /selesai makan mak dia pun opanggil le si mamak tu untuk kira berapa harga makanannya..

Bangla: "Heloo.. Mamak... Ok berapa .."

Sepontan maka bertempik le si mamak tu marah marah kat mat Bangla tu... aku yang secara kebetulan ada kat situ pun terkejut gak.. Apahal lak si mamak ni marah mara.. mak aku pun berkata le kepadanya.. si bangla tu pun terkedu berlalu pergi setelah bayar.. tapi si Mamak masih membebel marahnya..

"Apahal ni mamak u, marah-marah sama itu Bangla""

Mamak pun berkata: "Citt apa ra.itu Bangla sama satu kapal mari satu negeri ..(India) lagi mau panggil saya Mamak ka"

".. Citt.. tak da guna punya orang"... katanya lagi

"OOoo.. Itu macam ka".. kata ku

Moral ceritanya: Berhati hati bila bercakap.. Terlajak perahu boleh di undur tercelupar mulut padah binasa.



Originally posted by Abadie82 on

Jokes : Credit Cards & Death

Just a reminder to keeep paying your bills ..... forever
Author Unknown ....

This is too funny! It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening, customer service being what it is.... My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge... the balance had been $0.00... now it was somewhere around $60.00 I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
CitiBank:"... excuse me .?"

Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given. After they get the fax. )
CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"

Me: "Oh..."
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her... I suppose... don't really think she will care...."
CitiBank: "Well... the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."

Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number given.)
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"



Originally posted by Rinie on

Renungan : Kawan

Ini sebuah kisah tentang dua orang sahabat karib yang sedang berjalan melintasi gurun pasir. Ditengah perjalanan, mereka bertengkar, dan salah seorang menampar temannya. Orang yang kena tampar, merasa sakit hati, tapi dengan tanpa berkata-kata, dia menulis di atas pasir : HARI INI, SAHABAT TERBAIKKU MENAMPAR PIPIKU.

Mereka terus berjalan, sampai menemukan sebuah oasis, dimana mereka memutuskan untuk mandi. Orang yang pipinya kena tampar dan terluka hatinya, mencuba berenang namun nyaris tenggelam, dan berhasil diselamatkan oleh sahabatnya. Ketika dia mulai siuman dan rasa takut sudah hilang, dia menulis di sebuah batu : HARI INI, SAHABAT TERBAIKKU MENYELAMATKAN NYAWAKU.

Orang yang menolong dan menampar sahabatnya, bertanya, "Kenapa setelah saya melukai hatimu, kau menulisnya di atas pasir, dan sekarang kamu menulis di batu ?"

Temannya sambil tersenyum menjawab, "Ketika seorang sahabat melukai kita, kita harus menulisnya di atas pasir agar angin maaf datang berhembus dan menghapus tulisan tersebut. Dan bila sesuatu yang luar biasa terjadi, kita harus memahatnya di atas batu hati kita, agar tidak bisa hilang tertiup angin."

Dalam hidup ini sering timbul berbeza pendapat dan konflik karena sudut pandang yang berbeza. Oleh kerananya cubalah untuk saling memaafkan dan lupakan masalah lalu. Belajarlah menulis di atas pasir



Originally posted by Arrys on

Renungan : Mulut

sebagai renungan bersama... bukan sekadar gurauan atau bahan ketawa lucu yg tidak memberi apa-apa makna....
- Arrys

Telah berkata seorang lelaki gila (org kata dia gila) di stesen bas Taiping

"wahai saudara-saudaraku semua, Tahukah kamu bahawa setiap perempuan itu ke mana perginya membawa dua mulut?

"Ya.. setiap yang bernama perempuan itu memiliki dua mulut"

Bagai takut kepada yang tidak mengerti, rangkap itu diulanginya lagi,

"Mulut satu!" Katanya

"Mulut satu itu ada diatas, yang perlu dijaga kata tuturnya, supaya sopan dan lembut dengan gaya seorang perempuan dengan akhlak seorang perempuan. tahukah saudara-saudaraku! Di mana mulut kedua seorang perempuan itu berada?"

Orang ramai bagai ketakutan dan berlalu dari situ. Namun masih ada juga yg berminat utk menyaksikan gelagatnya.

"saudara-saudaraku!" Katanya dsambil menyelak-nyelak akhbar yang lusuh kekuningan di tangan

katanya:"Berita satu! Seorang bayi perempuan ditinggalkan di stesen bas Klang tali pusatnya masih belum jatuh"

"Berita dua! Seorang bayi dijumpai mati di dalam tandas awam di Ipoh"

"Berita Tiga! Seorang bayi lelaki ditinggalkan di hadapan sebuah rumah banglo mengalami beberapa kesan gigitan serangga di Kuantan, Pahang"

"Tahukah saudara-saudaraku kenapa mereka membuang bayi-bayi itu? tahukah kenapa?" laungannya semakin galak "itulah bila perempuan tidak menjaga mulut keduanya yang dibawah itu maka itulah yang terjadi" bila ada yang maklum... tertunduk malu dan berlalu tapi! aku terpaku di situ, terpaku dengan puisinya

"Jagalah mulut yang dibawah itu wahai perempuan supaya tidak lahir zuriat haram! kerana melahirkan zuriat-zuriat haramlah perempuan-perempuan itu jadi sifat kebinatangan lebih dari binatang!"

"Perempuan... apalah salah bayimu itu! Jagalah mulutmu yang dibawah itu wahai perempuan, Makhluk lelaki itu jangan kau percaya sangat, Biasalah... sebelum dapat janjinya menggunung."

"Lihatlah bayi-bayi yang tak berdosa ini dicampak bagai bangkai seekor kucing lihatlah perempuan! Lihatlah! dari itu jagalah mulut keduamu itu serah saja kepada yang berhak untuk itu!"

"Lelaki ini memang jahanam! Jahanam! Jahanam! Aku pun lelaki. aku pernah jadi lelaki jahanam Itu raungnya dalam tangisan yang menngila"

" Ha... Ha... Ha... ketawanya lantang lantas berlalu

Demikianlah sebuah puisi gila dari seorang lelaki gila.



Originally posted by Arrys on

Renungan : Terkena Api Di Kuburan

Renungan dan Iktibar

"Diceritakan dari Ibnu Hajar bahawa serombongan orang dari kalangan Tabi’in pergi berziarah ke rumah Abu Sinan. Baru sebentar mereka di rumah itu, Abu Sinan telah mengajak mereka untuk berziarah ke rumah jirannya.

“Mari ikut saya ke rumah jiran untuk mengucapkan ta’ziah atas kematian saudaranya.? kata Abu Sinan kepada tetamunya.

Sesampainya di sana, mereka mendapati saudara si mati sentiasa menangis kerana terlalu sedih. Para tetamu telah berusaha menghibur dan memujuknya agar jangan menangis, tapi tidak berjaya.

“Apakah kamu tidak tahu bahawa kematian itu suatu perkara yang mesti dijalani oleh setiap orang?? tanya para tetamu.

“Itu aku tahu. Akan tetapi aku sangat sedih kerana memikirkan seksa yang telah menimpa saudaraku itu.? jawabnya.

“Apakah engkau mengetahui perkara yang ghaib??

“Tidak. Akan tetapi ketika aku menguburkannya dan meratakan tanah di atasnya telah terjadi sesuatu yang menakutkan. Ketika itu orang-orang telah pulang, tapi aku masih duduk di atas kuburnya. Tiba-tiba terdengar suara dari dalam kubur “Ah.... ah.... Mereka tinggalkan aku seorang diri menanggung seksa. Padahal aku mengerjakan puasa dan solat?

Jeritan itu betul-betul membuatku menangis kerana kasihan. Aku cuba menggali kuburnya semula kerana ingin tahu apa yang sudah terjadi di dalamnya. Ternyata kuburan itu telah penuh dengan api dan di leher si mayat ada rantai dari api. Kerana kasihan kepada saudara, aku cuba untuk melepaskan rantai itu dari lehernya. Apabila aku hulurkan tangan untuk membukanya, tanganku terbakar.?

Lelaki itu menunjukkan tangannya yang masih hitam dan mengelupas kulitnya kerana kesan api dari dalam kubur kepada tetamu. Dia meneruskan ceritanya: “Aku terus menimbus kubur itu semula dan pulang dengan segera. Bagaimana kami tidak akan menangis apabila mengingati keadaan itu??

“Apa yang biasa dilakukan oleh saudaramu ketika di dunia?? tanya teman-teman Abu Sinan.

“Dia tidak mengeluarkan zakat hartanya.? jawabnya.

Dengan jawapan ini, teman-teman Abu Sinan membuat kesimpulan tentang kebenaran ayat Suci Al-Quran surah Ali Imran yang ertinya: “Janganlah mereka yang bakhil itu menyangka terhadap rezeki yang diberikan oleh Allah kepada mereka bahawa kebakhilan itu baik bagi mereka.

Sebenarnya kebakhilan itu buruk bagi mereka. Harta yang mereka bakhilkan itu akan dikalungkan kelak di lehernya di hari kiamat.?
(Ali Imran, 180)



Originally posted by Arrys on

Renungan : Surah Yasin

RASULULLAH s. a. w telah bersabda yang bermaksud: "Bacalah surah Yassin kerana ia mengandungi keberkatan", iaitu:

1. Apabila orang lapar membaca surah Yassin, ia boleh menjadi kenyang.



2. Jika orang tiada pakaian boleh mendapat pakaian.



3. Jika orang belum berkahwin akan mendapat jodoh.



4. Jika dalam ketakutan boleh hilang perasaan takut.



5. Jika terpenjara akan dibebaskan.



6. Jika musafir membacanya, akan mendapat kesenangan apa yang dilihatnya.



7. Jika tersesat boleh sampai ke tempat yang ditujuinya.



8. Jika dibacakan kepada orang yang telah meninggal dunia, Allah meringankan siksanya.



9. Jika orang yang dahaga membacanya, hilang rasa hausnya.



10. Jika dibacakan kepada orang yang sakit, terhindar daripada penyakitnya.



11. Rasulullah s. a. w bersabda: "Sesungguhnya setiap sesuatu mempunyai hati dan hati al-Quran itu ialah Yassin. Sesiapa membaca surah Yassin, nescaya Allah menuliskan pahalanya seperti pahala membaca al-Quran sebanyak 10 kali.



12. Sabda Rasulullah s. a. w lagi, "Apabila datang ajal orang yang suka membaca surah Yassin pada setiap hari, turunlah beberapa malaikat berbaris bersama Malaikat Maut. Mereka berdoa dan meminta dosanya diampunkan Allah, menyaksikan ketika mayatnya dimandikan dan turut menyembahyangkan jenazahnya".



13. Malaikat Maut tidak mahu memaksa mencabut nyawa orang yang suka membaca Yassin sehingga datang Malaikat Redwan dari syurga membawa minuman untuknya. Ketika dia meminumnya alangkah nikmat perasaannya dan dimasukkan ke dalam kubur dengan rasa bahagia dan tidak merasa sakit ketika nyawanya diambil.



14. Rasulullah s. a. w bersabda selanjutnya: "Sesiapa bersembahyang sunat dua rakaat pada malam Jumaat, dibaca pada rakaat pertama surah Yassin dan rakaat kedua Tabaroka, Allah jadikan setiap huruf cahaya dihadapannya pada hari kemudian dan dia akan menerima suratan amalannya ditangan kanan dan diberi kesempatan membela 70 orang daripada ahli rumahnya tetapi sesiapa yang meragui keterangan ini, dia adalah orang-orang yang munafik.

Originally posted by Arrys on

Ponder : Kenali si dia

1) Asyik resah melihat jam tangan apabila bersama anda.

Selalunya anda dan si dia menghabiskan waktu yang lama bersama.Tetapi sejak kebelakangan ini, si dia asyik resah apabila bersama anda dan sesekali menjeling jam tangan seolah-olah ada hal lain yang lebih penting. Si dia juga sering mengejar masa sehingga anda sanggup ditinggalkan berseorangan kerana kononnya 'ada masalah sikit'. Jika situasi ini sering berlaku, anda patut berhati-hati kemungkinan si dia berjumpa dengan kekasih lain dan anda hanya dijadikan spare part.

2) Tiba-tiba saja mengadu sakit ketika berdating dengan anda.

Sedang asyik berdating dan anda sedang berseronok, tiba-tiba saja si dia mengadu sakit dan ingin pulang awal ke rumah. Ada-ada saja sakitnya....sakit perut,pening,lenguh kaki atau rasa nak demam. Sedangkan sebelum ini anda melihat dia sihat dan tidak menunjukkan tanda-tanda langsung untuk jatu sakit. Apabila anda menawarkan diri untuk menghantarnya ke kelinik atau pulang ke rumah, dia menolak bersungguh-sungguh dan ingin pulang sendirian. Kemungkinan dia tidak sakit tetapi mencari alasan untuk melarikan diri dari anda dan bersama kekasih lain.

3) Kerap menolak pelawaan anda untuk keluar bersama.

Jika dulu, si dia ceria apabila anda mengajaknya keluar samada menonton wayang, makan-makan atau sekadar bersiar-siar tetapi kini dia sering menolak dengan seribu alasan. Jika si dia keluar pun setelah puas dipujuk dan dirayu oleh anda dalam keadaan terpaksa. Situasi ini mungkin disebabkan si dia sudah bosan dengan anda dan ingin meninggalkan anda.

4) Menjadi panas baran dan sering mencari kesilapan anda.

Si dia berubah sikap dari seorang penyayang menjadi pemarah. Kesilapan anda yang paling kecil pun seolah-olah besar baginya dan anda sering dimarahi walaupun di depan orang ramai. Walaupon anda cuba sedaya-upaya mengelak melakukan kesilapan, si dia tetap cuba mencari kesilapan anda. Paling teruk sekali, jika dia sudah tidak segan-silu menengking anda atau memaki hamun anda disebabkan perkara-perkara yang kecil ataupun kesilapan yang tidak disengajakan. Jika situasi ini beraku, lebih baik anda meninggalkannya kerana sudah jelas dia sudah tidak lagi menghargai anda sebagai kekasihnya. Mungkin si dai sedang mencari jalan untuk memujudkan kebencian anda terhadapnya dan berharap anda akan meningalkannya. Tak guna merayu lagi kerana layanan buruknya hanya menyebabkan anda menderita.

5) Tidak membenarkan anda memegang atau membelek telefon bimbitnya.

Sudah tabiat pasangan bercinta, uka membelek-belek telefon bimbit pasangannya. Jika si dia jujur dan ikhlas dengan anda, sudah pasti dia membenarkan anda melihat kandungan memori telefon bimbitnya samada SMS, nama pemanggil, simpanan nombor telefon dan sebagainya. Dia tidak akan berasa takut atau bimbang kerana kejujurannya pada anda. Namun, sekirannya dia berkeras tidak mahu anda membelek telefon bimbitnya, anda patut mencurigainya kerana kemungkinan dia menyimpan nombor telefon atau SMS teman wanita lain. Dia tidak mahu anda melihat kandungan telefon bimbitnya kerana takut rahsia kecurangannya terbongkar.

6) Tidak lagi rajin menelefon anda.

Diawal percintaan, si dia asyik menelefon anda sehingga berkali-kali dalam satu hari. Si dia sentiasa mengambil berak dan menelefon anda walau untuk bertanya sudah makan atau belum. Jika satu hari tidak mendengar suara anda, pasti dia resah. Tetapi sekarang dia tidak lagi rajin menelefon anda dan adakalanya tidak menelefon anda langsung. Anda pula terpaksa menelefonnya dan kelihatan terdesak. Apabila ditanya ada saja alasannya dan paling popular ialah sibuk. Situasi ini menunjukkan dia tidak lagi berminat dengan anda dan mungkin hanya akan kembali menelefon anda apabila ada kepentingan lain.

7) Jika dulu dia romantik bersama anda, sekarang dia hambar.

Jika dulu dia ceria sekarang dia membosannkan. Jika dulu dia sering menghantar kad dan bunga sekarang diatidak lagi berbuat begitu. Jika dulu sering berkongsi cerita dan masalah serta bergurau senda, sekarang dia lebih banyak membisu. Malah dia tidak lagi mempamerkan kasih sayangnya pada anda dan hanya melayan anda seolah-olah teman biasa. Dia tidak lagi mengambil berat mengenai anda dan sering termenung jauh. Perubahan sikapnya yang ketara adalah petanda kemungkinan dia sudah ada teman baru dan tidak lagi berminat dengan anda. Anda patut menyuruhnya berterus-terang supaya diri anda tidak akan dipermain-mainkan.

8) Asyik lewat ketika temujanji.

Anda sudah berjanji untuk berjumpanya di suatu tempat tetapi setelah berjam-jam menunggu, barulah nampak bayangannya. Anda merajuk tetapi dia sudah bersiap sedia dengan pelbagai alasan seperti traffic jam, masalah tempat kerja atau paling mudah terlupa. Jika sekali dua terlewat mungkin boleh dimaafkan tetapi jika dah selalu terlewat , pasti anda akan meradang. Anda juga mungkin boleh bertoleransi jika si dia terlewat seminit dua atau setengah jam tapi jika asyik berjam-jam menunggu atau x muncul langsung, pasti ada sebab yang logik dari teraffic jam. Anda perlu menyiasat kerana kemungkinan si dia telah membuat lebih dari satu temujanji dalam satu hari. Dan temujanji itu tak mustahil dengan wanita lain.



Originally posted by Arrys on

Renungan : Berita Dunia

Daripada petikan Berita Dunia, Akhbar berita Harian (15Jun 2004)

San Jose: Sebuah pertubuhan mubaligh mendakwa berjaya memurtadkan lebih 50,000 rakyat Iran memeluk agama Kristian sejak stesen TV satelitnya dipancarkan ke negara itu pada 2002.

Menurut kenyataan Gereja Antioch Antarabangsa yang berpengkalan di California, AS, siaran TV satelit itu disiarkan pada waktu perdana ke seluruh Republik Islam Iran dengan pelbagai rancangan menarik bagi memujuk umat Islam meninggalkan agama mereka dan memeluk agama Kristian. Gereja itu ditubuhkan untuk bekas penganut Islam yang murtad.

"Usaha memurtadkan orang Islam memasuki agama Kristian bermula pada 1830 oleh mubaligh Amerika Syarikat. Selepas 150 tahun pada 1979, hanya 3,000 penganut kristian daripada kira-kira 50 juta rakyat Iran," kata kenyataan itu.

Mengikut pengasas gereja itu, Hormos Shariat, dalam dua tahun saja sejak TV satelit dilancarkan lebih 50,000 orang Islam meninggalkan agama mereka. - Agensi.

Pendek sahaja beritanya kan... tapi pilu tak rasa di hati kalian bila mendengar berita betapa mudahnya umat Islam menukarkan agama Islam ke agama Kristian.

Begitulah rapuhnya Iman kita. Dan betapa berjayanya agenda yahudi dan Nasara memasukkan unsur-unsur hiburan dan agenda dakwah mereka ke dalam saluran TV. Apatah lagi kita dihidangkan dengan perlawanan bola sepak Euro yang menuntut kita bangun "tahajjud' setiap pagi semata-mata untuk melihat pasukan bola yang bertanding. Diaorang dapat duit, kita dapat apa? Dapat dosa ada.. lewat Subuh.

Jadi fikirkanlah tentang rancangan TV yang begiru menghiburkan sekarang... Konsert Sureheboh, AF2.. tanyalah sesiapa sahaja, dapat jawab. Tapi tanya tentang doa Qunut pun kadang-kadang terlupa...

Berjayakah kita mempertahankan Iman dan Akidah kita menjelang 2 atau 3 tahun yang akan datang... adakah kita akan mengalami nasib yang sama seperti berita yang dikemukan di atas.. Fikirkanlah.....



Originally posted by Arrys on

Renungan : Dah Sampai Seru?

Ada banyak alasan manusia yang membuat dasar dari hakikat pernikahan, hakikat yang seperti apakah yang paling membahagiakan? cuba kita lihat... dan manakah pilihan kita???

- Jika hakikat pernikahan adalah kerana SEX, maka pasangan rajin bertengkar jika servis di kamar tidur tidak memuaskan. Atau rajin hadir di SEX party.

- Jika hakikat pernikahan adalah kerana HARTA, maka pasangan bakal bubar jika bankrup.

- Jika hakikat pernikahan adalah kerana BEAUTY/BODY, pasangan bakal lari jika rambut beruban dan muka keripot atau badan jadi gendut.

- Jika hakikat pernikahan adalah kerana ANAK, maka pasangan akan cari alasan untuk pergi jika buah hati (anak) tidak hadir.

- Jika hakikat pernikahan adalah kerana KEPERIBADIAN, pasangan akan lari jika orang berubah tingkah lakunya.

- Jika hakikat pernikahan adalah kerana CINTA, hati manusia itu tidak tetap dan mudah terpikat pada hal-hal yang lebih baik, lagipula manusia yang dicintai pasti MATI / PERGI.

- Jika hakikat pernikahan adalah kerana IBADAH kepada ALLAH, sesungguhnya ALLAH itu KEKAL dan MAHA PEMBERI HIDUP kepada makhlukNYA. Dan ALLAH mencintai hambaNYA melebihi seorang ibu mencintai bayinya. Maka tak ada alasan apapun didunia yang dapat meretakkan rumah tangga kecuali jika pasangan mendurhakai ALLAH.

* Kalau rajin.. Tolong sebarkan kisah ini kepada saudara Muslim Muslimat yang lain. Ilmu yang bermanfaat ialah salah satu amal yang berkekalan bagi orang yang mengajarnya meskipun dia sudah mati.



Originally posted by Arrys on

Jokes : Anak hantuuuuuuu

"pak kasim seorang yg tamak harta.. dia menawarkan anak dara suntinya yg cun melecun kepada golongan yg kaya raya sahaja.. suatu hari datang la seman, seorang usahawan muda ingin melamar anak pak kasim. beliau cukupsifat tanpa cacat cela tetapi beliau malas sembahyang. setelah 3 hari berkahwin.. seman masih duk kat umah mentuanya. setelah azan maghrib berkumandang.. pak kasim mengajak seman utk solat maghrib berjamaah. seman gelabah.. sebelum ini dia tak pernah sembahyang. lalu seman masuk ke bilik untuk menemui isterinya."yang.. camner ni.. abg tak penah sembahyang ni"

"takpe bang.. abg ikut je ape yg ayah buat" isterinya berbisik perlahan.. seman pun keluar untuk sembahyang bersama pak kasim. setelah pak kasim takbir.. seman ikut takbir... lalu pak kasim membaca surah alfatihah..

"bismillahirrahmanirrahim..." seman pun turut membaca bismillah dengan lantang... "bismillahirrahmanirrahim..."

aisyh! pelik menantu aku ni. mazhab mana yg dia ikut? setahu aku imam je yg baca kuat.. getus hati pak kasim.. pak kasim buat selamba. dia terus membaca surah al-fatihah. seman pun turut membaca surah al-fatihah dgn kuat seolah-olah seorang budak yg baru nak belajar mengaji.

pak kasim pelik.. lalu dia terus berpaling ke belakang utk melihat seman. seman turut berpaling ke belakang kerana mengikut gerak langkah pak kasim. "ish! gila ke menantu aku ni??"

pak kasim berjalan ke depan utk menjauhkan diri dari seman. leman turut berjalan ke depan mengikut langkah pak kasim. pak kasim terus melarikan diri melalui pintu depan dan terus menuju kesawah di tepi rumahnya.

seman terus berlari mengejar pak kasim sampai ke tepi sawah. tiba-tiba pak kasim tergelincir lalu jatuh ke dalam sawah padi. seman pun turut menjatuhkan badannya ke dalam sawah seolah-olah tergelincir.

pak kasim pun terus bertanya kepada seman. "seman. apesal yg ko ikut aku sampai ke sawah ni?" "ayah.. susah ye nak sembahyang maghrib ni. baru saya tau. sampai kena berlari.."

Kess kess kess.. kes naya ni..



Originally posted by Arrys on

Renungan : Kahwin

Perkahwinan lahir dari sifat atau tabiat manusia yang cenderung untuk mengadakan hubungan dengan manusia lain. Allah telah menjadikan hubungan perkahwinan sebagai Sunnah para Rasul. Perkahwinan yang suci akan memancarkan perasaan saling cinta, kerjasama, tanggungjawab dan terbitlah kebahagiaan yang diidamkan.

Membendung Perbuatan Maksiat.

Rasulullah s. a w bersabda yang bermaksud:

"Wahai para pemuda, barang siapa di antara kamu ada yang telah sanggup berkahwin, maka berkahwinlah, kerana sesungguhnya berkahwin itu dapat , menundukkan pandangan dan memelihara kemaluan. Tetapi barangsiapa yang belum mampu, hendaklah ia berpuasa, sebab berpuasa itu sebagai benteng (dapat menahan nafsu)"

Mata adalah punca perbuatan maksiat. Bila pandangan dilepas dan terlihat sesuatu yang menarik (wajah perempuan, dan lain-lain) nafsu akan meledak dan mendorong syahwat. Pandangan adalah umpama panah yang terlepas dari busar panah iblis, bila mengena pada sasaran, implikasinya sangat merbahaya! Supaya syahwat tidak bergelojak, individu yang tidak mampu berkahwin digalakkan berpuasa, kerana dengan berpuasa, kadar gelodak nafsu dapat diturunkan.

Sunnah Nabi

Kahwin adalah sebahagian daripada sunnah Rasulullah s. a. w yang patut dicontohi. Rasulullah s. a. w bersabda yang bermaksud:

"Barang siapa yang tidak menyukai sunnahku, ia bukanlah dari golonganku. Sebahagian dari sunnahku adalah berkahwin, oleh kerana itu siapa yang mengasihiku hendaklah ia melaksnakan sunnahku".

Mendapatkan Zuriat

Salah satu tujuan berkahwin adalah untuk mendapat zuriat yang salih. Dengan memiliki anak yang salih itu ibubapa akan mendapat pahala yang mengalir dalam kuburnya berkat doa anak-anak. Rasulullah s. a. w. bersabda:

"Apabila seseorang manusia telah meninggal unia, putuslah semua amalnya kecuali tiga sahaja, iaitu sedekah jariah, ilmu yang bermanfaat dan anak salih yang berdoa untuknya"

Sekumpulan orang perempuan datang menghadap Rasulullah s. a. w. untuk minta nasihat dari beliau. Rasulullah s. a. w. bersabda:

"Setiap perempuan di antara kamu yang melahirkan tiga orang anak, maka mereka (anak-anak itu) akan menjadi penghalang baginya dari api neraka". Perempuan-perempuan itu bertanya: "bagaimana kalau melahirkan dua orang anak?". Rasulullah s. a. w. menjawab: "Ya, dua orang anakpun demikian juga".

Meramaikan Umat Islam

Bila orang Islam berkahwin, maka akan lahir pulalah generasi yang baru dan meneruskan perjuangan umat Islam. Dengan itu dunia ini tidak akan pernah kosong dari umat Islam. Rasulullah s. a. w. bersabda:

Ertinya: "Berkahwinlah kamu agar dapat melahirkan keturunan. Sesungguhnya saya akan berbangga pada hari kiamat jika kamu menjadi umat yang teramai (daripada umat-umat lain)". (H. R. Al-Baihaqi)

Allah s. w. t. berfirman: Ertinya:

"Tuhan telah menjadikan dari kamu itu pasangan suami isteri dan dari pasangan suami isteri itu pula lahirnya anak-anak dan cucu-cicit
(keturunan yang banyak)". (Q. S. An. Nahl, 72)

Gandaan Pahala & Berkat

Ibadah orang yang berkeluarga dan dengan ibadah orang yang tidak berkeluarga adalah berbeza di segi pahalanya. Rasulullah s. a. w. bersabda:

"Dua rakaat yang dilakukan oleh orang berkeluarga lebih afdal daripada tujuh pulu rakaat orang yang hidup membujang". (Dikemukakan oleh Ibnu Ady dari Abu Hurairah termaktub dalam kitab Al_kamil)
(Tuhfatul Aris Wal 'Arusy, 67)

Disamping itu pahala seorang laki-laki didapat juga pada semua harta yang digunakan untuk membelanja isteri dan anak-anak, kerana semua harta, fikiran dan tenaga yang digunakan untuk menguruskan keluarga dikira sebagai sedekah. "Barang siapa yang membiayai penghidupannya sendiri dengan niat isti'faf (tidak meminta-minta belas kasihan orang lain), itu adalah sedekah, dan barang siapa yang membiayai isteri, anak-anak dan sekalian ahli rumahnya adalah sedekah".

Melengkapkan Iman

Rasulullah s. a. w bersabda:

"Apabila seseorang hamba telah berkahwin, ia telah melengkapkan separuh agamanya, dan hendaklah ia bertakwa kepada Allah untuk memenuhi kekosongan sebahagian lagi". (H. R. Al-Baihaqi).



Originally posted by Arrys on

Renungan : Tanda

Kematian itu pasti menjelma. Hanya masa dan waktunya yang tidak kita ketahui. Cuba kita amati. Mengapa kebanyakan orang yg nazak, hampir ajal tidak dapat berkata apa-apa.. lidahnya kelu, keras dan hanya mimik mukanya yang menahan kesakitan 'sakaratul maut'.

Diriwayatkan sebuah hadis yg bermaksud: "Hendaklah kamu mendiamkan diri ketika azan, jika tidak Allah akan kelukan lidahnya ketika maut menghampirinya." Ini jelas menunjukkan, kita disarankan agar mendiamkan diri, jangan berkata apa-apa pun semasa azan berkumandang. Sebagai orang beragama Islam kita wajib menghormati azan. Banyak fadhilatnya. Jika lagu kebangsaan kita diajar agar berdiri tegak dan diamkan diri, mengapa ketika azan kita tidak boleh mendiamkan diri? Lantas sesiapa yang berkata-kata ketika azan, Allah akan kelukan lidahnya ketika nazak. Kita takut dengan kelunya lidah kita semasa ajal hampir tiba maka kita tidak dapat mengucap kalimah "Lailahaillallah.." yang mana sesiapa yang dapat mengucapkan kalimah ini ketika nyawanya akan dicabut Allah dgn izinNya menjanjikan syurga untuk mereka. Dari itu marilah kita sama-sama menghormati azan dan mohon kepada Allah supaya lidah ini tidak kelu semasa nyawa kita sedang dicabut.

"Ya Allah! Anugerahkanlah kematian kami dengan kematian yang baik lagi mulia, lancarkan lidah kami mengucap kalimah "Lailahaillallah.." semasa sakaratul maut menghampiri kami. Amin.. amin.. amin Yarobbal a'lamin.."

WASIAT NABI MUHAMMAD S. A. W. kepada SAIDINA ALI R. A.;

Wahai Ali, bagi orang MUKMIN ada 3 tanda-tandanya:
1) Tidak terpaut hatinya pada harta benda dunia.
2) Tidak terpesona dengan pujuk rayu.
3) Benci terhadap perbualan dan perkataan sia-sia.

Wahai Ali, bagi orang 'ALIM itu ada 3 tanda2nya:
1) Jujur dalam berkata-kata.
2) Menjauhi segala yg haram.
3) Merendahkan diri.

Wahai Ali, bagi orang yg JUJUR itu ada 3 tanda2nya:
1) Merahsiakan ibadahnya.
2) Merahsiakan sedekahnya.
3) Merahsiakan ujian yg menimpanya.

Wahai Ali, bagi org yg TAKWA itu ada 3 tanda2nya:
1) Takut berlaku dusta dan keji.
2) Menjauhi kejahatan.
3) Memohon yang halal kerana takut jatuh dalam keharaman.

Wahai Ali, bagi AHLI IBADAH itu ada 3 tanda2nya:
1) Mengawasi dirinya.
2) Menghisab dirinya.
3) Memperbanyakkan ibadah kepada Allah s. w. t.

Wang RM50 atau S$50 kelihatan begitu besar bila dibawa ke kotak derma masjid, tetapi begitu kecil bila kita bawa ke supermarket.

45 minit terasa terlalu lama untuk berzikir tapi betapa pendeknya waktu itu untuk pertandingan bola sepak. Semua insan ingin memasuki syurga tetapi tidak ramai yang berfikir dan berbicara tentang bagaimana untuk memasukinya. Kita boleh mengirimkan ribuan 'jokes' dan 'surat berantai' melalui e-mail tetapi bila mengirimkan yang berkaitan dengan ibadah seringkali berfikir 2 atau 3 kali.

Waallahu'alam.



Originally posted by Arrys on

Jokes : Bodoh

SUATU hari Pak Pandir melalui satu lorong yg kecil ketika hendak pulang ke rumah. Entah macamana, di tengah perjalanannya tadi, dia terjumpa seketul najis yg masih panas.... Tapi dia masih kurang yakin sama ada betul @ tidak benda itu adalah najis.

Akhirnya Pak Pandir ambil keputusan utk mengkaji sampel najis berkenaan. Pak Pandir tengok dgn lebih dekat najis tersebut, lalu dia berkata, "bentuk macam tahi" Kemudian dia pegang pulak najis itu, lalu dia berkata, "Lembik... macam tahi".

Lepas itu dia ambil sedikit lalu menghidu, "Bau macam tahi". Oleh kerana ragu-ragu dgn najis tersebut, dia terus menjilat najis tersbut. "Memang tahi, nasib baik aku tak terpijak!".....

Mesej...... Jgn jadi orang bodoh macam Pak Pandir yang dah sememangnya bodoh....



Originally posted by Arrys on

Jokes : Tertidur Dalam Kereta

LATIFAH tertidur seketika ketika berada di dalam kereta yang dipandu oleh kekasihnya, lalu bermimpi yang mereka berdua sudah berkahwin dan mempunyai tiga anak. Mereka hidup aman bahagia sehinggalah Latifah mengetahui yang suaminya bermain kayu tiga dan mempunyai perempuan simpanan... Mereka pun bertengkar......

Latifah : Ooo... dulu bukan main berjanji sehidup semati.

Suami : Ala.... jangan marahlah sayang.

Tetiba Latifah mengigau lalu menjerit......"hantarkan saya balik ke rumah mak bapak saya!"

Dengan selamba, kekasihnya yang masih memandu tadi berkata, "Ye la, kan tiap-tiap hari saya ambil awak balik office, nak hantar ke mana lagi kalau bukan ke rumah mak bapak awak?"

Peringatan... Kalau naik keta jangan sampai tertido.... kan dah ngigau, sapa yang susah, siapa yang malu.... tipah juga yang malu... tapi takpe sebab tipah tak tertipu la.....



Originally posted by Arrys on

Renungan : Jalan murni ke...

Setiap individu yang berperasaan pasti akan merasai cinta dan mencintai sesuatu. Cinta adalah perasaan halus yang dimiliki hati setiap insan, dan tidak dapat dipisahkan dalam kehidupan seharian. Dalam Islam, cinta merupakan perkara utama dalam kehidupan dunia dan akhirat. Ini kerana Islam sendiri merupakan agama yang berasaskan cinta.

Sabda Rasullulah s. a. w.: "Tiga perkara yang apabila terdapat pada diri seseorang maka ia akan mendapat manisnya iman, yakni: Allah dan Rasul-Nya lebih ia cintai daripada yang lain; mencintai seseorang hanya kerana Allah, dan benci untuk kembali kepada kekafiran sebagaimana ia tidak suka dilemparkan ke dalam neraka" (HR. Bukhari dan Muslim)

Oleh yang demikian, Islam menyeru kepada cinta, iaitu cinta kepada Allah, cinta kepada Rasulullah, cinta kepada agama, cinta kepada akidah, juga cinta kepada makhluk, sepertimana Allah menjadikan kecintaan suami isteri sebagai sebahagian tanda dan bukti kekuasaanNya. FirmanNya: "Dan di antara tanda kekuasaanNya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu isteri-isteri dari kalangan kamu sendiri, supaya kamu dapat hidup tenang bersama mereka. Dan dijadikanNya cinta kasih sayang antara kamu. Sesungguhnya, yang demikian itu tanda bagi orang yang berfikir." (Ar-Rum: 21)

Bagaimana perasaan ketakutan, keraguan dan sukar mengambil atau membuat ke[putusan ini wujud dalam diri seseorang? Ketakutan membuat keputusan ini sebenarnya telah menjadi sebahagian daripada kita tanpa disedari. Perasaan ini adakalanya tersembunyi di sebalik alam bawah sedar kita dan ini amat menyulitkan kita untuk mengesan dan mengatasinya.

Jelaslah bahawa cinta adalah tanda kehidupan rohani dalam akidah orang mukmin, sama ada dalam kehidupan beragama, bersosial, mahupun kepercayaan. Selain itu, iman dalam Islam ditegakkan berdasarkan cinta dan kasih sayang. Rasulullah saw bersabda: "Demi Dzat yang diriku ada di tanganNya, kamu tidak akan masuk syurga sehingga kamu beriman, dan kamu tidak akan beriman dengan sempurna hingga kamu saling mencintai. Hendakkah aku tunjukkan kalian kepada sesuatu yang jika kalian lakukan kalian akan saling mencintai? Sebarkanlah salam di antara kalian." (HR Muslim)

Dalam hadis di atas, Rasullulah s. a. w. menegaskan bahawa jalan menuju ke syurga bergantung kepada iman, dan iman bergantung kepada cinta. Maka cinta adalah syarat dalam iman, rukun dalam akidah, dan asas dalam agama. Cinta dalam Islam adalah kaedah dan sistem yang mempunyai batas. Ia adalah penunjuk ke arah mendidik jiwa, membersihkan akhlak serta mencegah atau melindungi diri daripada dosa-dosa. Cinta dapat membimbing jiwa agar bersinar cemerlang, penuh dengan perasaan cinta dan dicintai.

Sayangnya dalam konteks hari ini, cinta yang lahir sarat hawa nafsu dan menyimpang daripada matlamat yang murni. Saban hari kita didodoikan dengan lagu cinta dan dipertontonkan kisah cinta yang menghanyutkan kita ke dunia khayalan yang merugikan. Malah ramai yang menyalahertikan makna sebenar cinta, sehingga terdorong melampaui batas pergaulan dan tatasusila seorang mukmin.

Oleh yang demikian, renungilah sebentar hakikat kehidupan kita di sini. Sabda Rasullulah s. a. w.: "Tidak sempurna iman salah seorang dari kamu sehingga ia mencintai saudaranya seperti ia mencintai diri sendiri." Juga sabda Rasulullah lagi, "Barang siapa ingin mendapatkan manisnya iman, maka hendaklah ia mencintai orang lain kerana Allah." (HR Hakim dari Abu Hurairah).



Originally posted by Arrys on

Jokes : Ni bukan dah demam, nih dah merepek!!

WARNING!!

A very lengthy, time-waster, mind-boggling and need to have asprin by your side. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT read this during office hours OR read it directly from the monitor. Best way to fill up the gap is to print this mail and read it while you are sitting on your thrown ;)... sakit mata wa tak tanggung!!

For those who don't stand lengthy emails, please accept my apologies for filling up your space.

Proceed with caution. You have been warned!

===================================================

The title of the series is Tales From The Idol Fellowship.

This series of cerpens involving Vince and Khai of Akademi Fantasia season one. Zainal Alam Kadir is a guest star. This vision is entirely fictitious but it may turn out to be true. I had it while I was recuperating from a bad flu at home over the weekend.

The vision: Zainal Alam Kadir (Alam) of MM successfully arranges for Akademi Fantasia (AF) pretty boys Vincent Chong (Vince) and Khairul Nizam Wahi (Khai) to perform alongside the top three winners of American Idol 3 (AI3) in NY, US. Producers of AF and AI3 cut a deal earlier this year, unknown to the media save Alam, for Vince and Khai to appear in a special edition for Malaysian viewers only, of AI3. The title is "American Idol 3 Special Edition:

"Fantasia Meets The Academy".

Alam phones home: While in the US, Alam gets to share a hotel room with Vince. How wonderful, Alam thinks. In the room, Alam makes a long distance call to John Tiong in Buzz. John tells Alam all is OK back home in Balai Berita. Khai gets to share his hotel room with Nemo, his adorable white pussycat.

So, how it went with Vince Chong: Being the champion of AF, Vince, 25, was mentored by the soulful and perfectionist Fantasia (Barrino), 20, the champion of AI3. Vince proved a fast learner, and had a music video collaboration with Fantasia completed rather quickly. No hitches. America's newest pop queen thinks Vince will go far in Malaysian music because of his gentle and kind demeanour, and his humility.

So, how it went with Khai: Softy Khai, 25, thought he would have an easy time being mentored by the second and third AI3 winners, namely the bubbly Mexican Diana (DeGarmo), 17, and the demure Filipino Jasmine (Trias), 18, respectively. But they were rather hard on softy Khai, who had a problem being sloppy, sleepy and worse, possessing a minor acne problem. Khai gets tickled by his cute mentors (electric shock of sorts) each time he says he is tired and needs a rest.

They also pinch his acne out, a painful 10- minute process, so that he looks smooth-faced enough for the camera. Nemo, Khai's faithful cat, is taken care of by some AI3 staff in the floor above Khai's studio. Khai tries to visit Nemo upstairs, but a power failure ensues as soon as the lift reaches the above floor. Khai finds that he is claustrophobic, and becomes a little panicky and breathless. Fortunately, the power failure only lasts a few minutes, and even more fortunately, Khai's beautiful mentors are with him in the lift, to keep him calm.

At the end of the day, Khai sees his own standards improve, but he feels upset that he has "made a clown of himself". Nevertheless, his mentors apologise for being hard on him, and commend him for trying hard in what he does. Khai realises that Bumiputras abroad are vital to push up standards of Malaysians.

The end result: The producers of AI3 and AF are happy with their end product, and with Nemo, the mascot of AF for bringing cheer to everyone.

Zainal Alam Kadir (Alam) meets Vince Chong and Khairul Nizam Wahi (Khai) in the hotel lobby on the penultimate day of their visit to New York for the filming of the special edition of American Idol 3. Vince and Khai tell Alam that they both had fascinating adventures in their dreams while exhausted in their hotel rooms the night before.

"It was a marathon. Facing adversity in every corner of the planet. But emerging unscathed. You were at the end of the tunnel with everyone else, Alam,” said Vince.

"My travelling companion for the whole adventure, was Fantasia of AI3, who is just as mighty in facing adversity as me.”

Khai said he had a similar adventure but added that he felt like frail Frodo of Lord of the Rings. He said:

"It was terrible, Alam. Bruised, battered, bloodied. That was me. Everyone else was unscathed, except me.

"I had to keep strong for Nemo, and for everyone on the planet, to survive. It was all a battle of mind over matter. "My travelling companions, and saviours, were the Mexican DeGarmo and the Filipino Trias.

"They kept me, and Nemo, going."

"The former carried Nemo when the going got tough. The latter helped me walk when I was frail and losing blood.”

“Interesting,” Alam said. “I guess your American friends shared the same dreams, too.” Vince said: “Yes indeed. It was very coincidental. Fantasia also shared the same dream."

Khai said: “The same with DeGarmo and Trias. Only Nemo does not dream.”

Vince Chong Ying Cern hereby narrates his vision:

“It is just like those wretched roundabouts you find in KL. They are always partly blocked.

“I am Vince Chong Ying Cern, a Chinese-British Malaysian lost in some remote part of the planet. With me is another lost soul, my African-American team mate Fantasia Barrino.

"All we have in our pockets is a note of paper which reads, “Follow the straight road and don’t give up. Use the power of your mind. You will find light at the end of the tunnel.”

"My team mate tells me that this adventure is something like “Rabbit Proof Fence” meets “Seven Years In Tibet”. Interesting.

"Superhuman strength is required. We have to cross grand canyons, scale icebergs and alpine mountains, brave desert storms and cyclones.

"Even use our powers within to smash huge granite rocks standing as tall as KLCC in front of us.

"It looks impossible but we try. It is all about the mind.

“We both try not to get hurt by simply not thinking about injury. Thank God, we finish our incredible journey unscathed.

“This is like Keanu Reeves and Jada Pinkett inside the Matrix.

“Seriously, I felt very demoralised when I reached a huge mountain of granite standing in our way.

“But my team mate told me, “Vince, it is all in the mind. You can break it down, and so can I.”

“We just focus on the giant rock, and smash it down like never before.

“At the end of the tunnel, is a door that shines bright.

“It is situated right where we began the arduous journey.

“I open it, and find, the real world of our studio.

“Alam is there to greet us. He embraces us.

“How wonderful,” I think. “The pain is over. Freedom at last.”

Khairul Nizam Wahi hereby narrates his vision: “Vince and I had a common adventure. But I must say, Vince is Superman compared to me. I am Khairul Nizam Wahi better known as Khai. From Malaysia’s third largest city, Johor Baru. With me is my faithful white pussycat, Nemo, who is almost a year old. And with me are my fearless team mates, Diana, a bubbly Mexican, and Jasmine, a demure Filipino. As Vince said, we begin our arduous journey at some mysterious Point A, on the far side of the planet. We are armed with nothing save mysterious pieces of paper which read:

“Follow the straight road and don’t give up. Use the power of your mind. You will find light at the end of the tunnel.” “I am fit and able-bodied at Point A. But when we finally arrive at the end of the road, Point A again, I would be frail and constantly haemorrhaging from nose and mouth. Nemo is in good spirits, but at the end of the road, he shivers and meows from time to time. Our beautiful team mates are the only ones who are unscathed. We have to do pretty much the same things Vince and Fantasia did on their mission.

“But in my case, I deteriorate physically. The whole exercise is a test of mind over matter. Whenever I am weak and tired, my team mates tell me, “The universe depends on you. If you don’t make it, everyone will perish. There is one stage where a cyclone flings a zinc roof at my face, and I am badly injured.

“Then, my Filipino team mate presses my wound, and she tells me “Think Wolverine.”

“I discover my remarkable healing powers. “In another stage, we scale very high mountains, and I start bleeding from nose and mouth. I feel very weak. “My Mexican team mate tells me, “You cannot be a bleeder forever. Fight it.” “As I get frailer by the hour, my Filipino team mate helps me walk. My Mexican team mate carries shivering Nemo. “There are times I collapse on the ground, and my Filipino team mate tries to curb my terrible haemorrhaging. “Whenever I spout blood, my cat shivers and turns cold. My Mexican team mate rips part of my T-shirt to blanket Nemo. “Finally, we arrive at the door, back at Point A. I open it, but it zaps me, and I fall to the ground. “My Mexican team mate lifts me up, and I try to open the door again. I touch the handle, and it radiates a force that cleanses all of us. “I am cleansed of all the blood on me. The blood which splashed all over my Filipino team mate’s T-shirt also vanishes without a trace. “Nemo no longer shivers. I cuddle my cat. My team mates also cuddle Nemo, and myself. “Then, Alam opens the door. He embraces all of us. The real world beckons. It is back to the studio in New York.”

Cerpen Two A new vision of Vince, Khai and Nemo without Alam. Our AF guys are meeting all nine American Idol winners.

Vince and Khai are shaking hands with the winners of American Idol’s first, second and third seasons, somewhere in the West. Vince gets to shake hands with the number ones, while Khai gets to shake hands with the number twos and number threes. As usual, Khai has his cat, Nemo, tagging along with him.

The AF guys are having a photo session with the American Idol winners. Vince is to pose with the champions. Khai is to pose with the runners-up. Vince shakes hands with Fantasia, whom he has already met. Fantasia then introduces Vince to Ruben Studdard, the big, strong and friendly African- American champion of American Idol 2. Studdard proceeds to hug Vince. “Ouch!” says Vince. Finally, Vince gets to shake hands with the very first American Idol champion, the attractive Native-British American from Texas, Kelly Clarkson.

“Are you OK, Vince?” Clarkson asks Vince. “I feel groggy,” Vince replies. “Poor you. Let me help you walk,” Clarkson says. She proceeds to help Vince walk into the studio with the other winners. Khai is very happy to shake hands with African-American Justin Guarini, who is the second place winner of American Idol’s first season.

He then shakes hands with handsome British-American Clay Aiken, who won the second place in American Idol 2. Khai proceeds to shake hands with American Idol 3’s second place winner, the feisty Mexican American Diana DeGarmo, whom he has already met. Diana cuddles Khai and congratulates Nemo (Nemo and his mate Lucky have five kittens).

Khai moves on to shake hands with American Idol’s first season’s third placer, the red-haired Native-British American from Texas, Nicole Kibbin, and the second season’s third placer, the African-American Kimberley Locke. He finally shakes hands, and gets hugged, by his distant relative among the American Idols, the cute Filipino Hawaiian lifeguard Jasmine Trias, whom he has already met.

Suddenly, Nemo darts out of Khai’s arms and jumps into Diana’s embrace. “Grrr! Khai geram lah!” Khai grumbles. “Diana always tackle my cat!” “Cool it, Khai! It’s only for a while,” Trias consoles Khai, and strokes his back and hair. Kibbin and Locke, who are standing nearby, also console angry Khai, stroking his back and hair. The trio accompany Khai into the studio, simultaneously calming him down. ends

Cerpen Three The first novel that brings Akademi Fantasia winners into the Idol Fellowship.

Prelude The Idol Fellowship (IF) is a fictitious, informal gathering of American and Malaysian Idols. The top threes of each American Idol (AI) season and the coming Malaysian Idol (MI) top threes are automatic members. Likewise with the top twos of each Akademi Fantasia
(AF) season. Akademi Fantasia is Malaysia’s very own pop talent show.

One season has finished, and the second season is about to see its top winners emerge. At this moment there are nine members in the IF from the American Idols. That is three from each season. There are two members from AF and they are Vince Chong and Khai
(Khairul Nizam) Wahi.

Vince Chong is the number two of the IF, since he is the very first Malaysian Idol to emerge. He is the champion of AF’s first season. The IF’s number one is Kelly Clarkson, the attractive champion of AI’s first season, who is somewhat like a foster sister to Vince in the US. Khai’s Persian cat, Nemo, is the most important character in the IF, because it is through this magical, teleporter cat that the Idols meet each other at different meeting places around the planet.

There are 10 simple rules to follow in the IF, and one of the most important is nobody gets romantically involved (whether same sex or otherwise) with fellow Idols.

The novel Vince Chong and Khai Wahi are anxiously waiting for the winners of the second season of Akademi Fantasia. There are seven finalists, two of whom will make it into the IF. hey are Zahid Baharuddin, Bob Yusop, Linda Nanuwil, Farah Anuar, Adam Saman, Khair Azami and Mas Ghani. Vince and Khai suffer body aches and nose bleeds each time they meet up with their fellow Idols, because they are worried that two of the seven, Bob and Zahid, will challenge Vince as number two of the fellowship.

Vince and Khai once overheard Bob and Zahid joke about knocking Vince off his position as number two of the Idol Fellowship if they won Akademi Fantasia season two. Zahid and Bob both believe that the position of the IF’s president, reserved for the Americans, and the deputy president, reserved for the Malaysians, should be challengeable every time a new bunch of winners comes in.

The other five finalists have pledged their support for Vince’s leadership. Vince believes that the posts of president and deputy president are not negotiable and should be the preserve of the very first American Idol and Malaysian Idol (including Akademi Fantasia Idol) respectively. In his moments of pain and anguish, Vince is comforted and cared for by IF number one Kelly Clarkson and Fantasia Barrino, who is the reigning American Idol.

Both Clarkson and Barrino are Vince’s foster sisters in America. The beautiful Clarkson bears an uncanny resemblance to Vince’s elder sister and manager, Vanessa Chong. Both Clarkson and Barrino tell Vince not to worry about Zahid and Bob, because they will always stand by Vince. In his moments of pain and anguish, Khai is comforted and cared for by his “distant relative” Jasmine Trias, the sweet Filipino-Hawaiian who is the third placer of the third season of American Idol, and by feisty Mexican Diana DeGarmo, who is the second placer of the same season.

DeGarmo is the best friend of Khai’s pet cat in America, and she takes care of Nemo much better than Khai does. Both Trias and DeGarmo are Khai’s foster sisters in the US. They assure Khai that they will always be on his side, supporting his best friend Vince as the deputy president of the IF. Other members of the IF are Ruben Studdard (AI’s second season’s winner), Justin Guarini (AI’s first season’s number two), Clay Aiken (AI’s second season’s number two), Nicole Kibbin (AI’s first season’s number three) and Kimberley Locke (AI’s second season’s number three).

One night, when Vince and Khai are sleeping in their respective homes, they have a dream. This dream is also shared by all members of the IF and the seven AF season two finalists.

Vince’s and Khai’s dream Khai is a mysterious Polynesian warrior known as the Kahuna. He is sitting on some boulders by the sea somewhere in the Pacific. Vince emerges from the sea, Ursula Andress style, and tells Khai:

“Hey! I know you. We must talk.”

Vince introduces himself as the Briton. He tells Khai that both of them are members of the community of Immortals. The time has come for them to vanquish two other Immortals who “want to wreck havoc on the planet”. Immortals can only kill each other by beheading.

The two other Immortals, are known as the Balinese (Zahid) and the Pangiran
(Bob). Pangiran is a Bruneian title meaning Prince. Actually, the Balinese and the Pangiran are not evil, but they think that Vince is a cruel British colonialist who wants to enslave all people of the non-British world.

Khai and Vince confront the Balinese on the island of Komodo, and the Balinese unleashes his pet komodo dragons which spit and badly burn the Kahuna and the Briton. Vince thinks of the Mulu Caves, the largest cave complex in the world. He is teleported there instantly, and meets mighty Keling (Kaer), the ideal Iban warrior.

Keling tells Vince that he will help the Briton defeat the baddies. Khai thinks of the prairies and Rocky Mountains of North America, and ends up there. He meets the Cherokee Wind Spirit, in the form of attractive Texan Nicole Kibbin. Kibbin pledges support to Khai in his fight. But she makes him promise that nobody should be killed.

The Pangiran tracks down Khai, and teleports him to Pontianak, a city in Indonesian Borneo. The Pangiran summons his army of Pontianaks who pounce on Khai and try to suck his blood. “Santubong. Calling Santubong,” Khai mumbles. One of the Pontianaks transforms herself into the Princess of Mount Santubong, and pledges her support for Khai. She is none other than Farah. Another Pontianak becomes Princess Santubong’s elder sister Princess Sejinjang, who was once her enemy but has since made peace with Santubong.

She is in the form of Nurul Hamid, Farah’s closest friend in Akademi Fantasia, who finished eighth this year. The Santubong and Sejinjang princesses use their magic to turn the other Pontianaks into frozen bats.

The Balinese tracks down Vince, and teleports him to the Amazon region. He unleashes a giant anaconda which proceeds to crush Vince in its death grip.

“Any Amazonians around?” Vince mumbles.

Just then, one of them emerges. Attractive Kelly Clarkson is the Amazon Queen. She pledges support for Vince. The Amazon Queen gives Vince the power to melt metal, cause tidal waves, and shatter the ground. She also uses her healing touch to heal a nasty stab wound Zahid inflicted on Vince’s back and abdomen.

Vince proceeds to hunt down the Balinese, and thinks of Africa. In the heart of Africa, the Balinese stands with his pair of swords. Vince tells Zahid, “Are you ready?” Both of them fight it out with their swords, and Vince tries to behead Zahid. Zahid however, cannot get hurt. Vince thinks of an African warrior king, the Kabaka. He appears in the form of Ruben Studdard. The Kabaka pledges support for Vince, and gives him a sword to fight immortals. “No killing, please,” says the Kabaka.

Khai has tracked down the Bruneian to Egypt. Bob emerges from the sands of the desert as Imhotep. Bob causes a sandstorm laced with a plague, to attack Khai. “Oh, mighty Isis,” says Khai. Just then, Isis appears, in the form of honey-coloured babe Kimberley Locke. “I’m with you, Kahuna,” she says. Isis provides Khai with the power of causing sandstorms and plagues, to attack Bob. Vince tracks down Zahid to the summit of South East Asia’s highest mountain, Kinabalu.

Atop the peak, Zahid roars and threatens Vince, calling him a sacrificial white chicken of the Dayaks. Just then, Kadazan fairy Sumandak appears in the form of Linda Nanuwil. She tells the Balinese: “No foul mouths on the sacred mountain.” Zahid’s mouth is sealed by Sumandak.

Bob suddenly finds Khai on the Cocos Islands in Australia. He transforms himself into a giant robber crab. The crab plans to chop off Khai’s head with its giant claw. “Flood us, Queen of the South Seas,” Khai says. Just then, the Javanese Queen of the South Seas emerges. She is in the form of sweet Jasmine Trias. “Help me, Nyai Roro Kidul,” says Khai. “Only if you do not kill anyone,” the queen replies. The queen uses her magical plaster made from the waves to heal a bloody spear wound inflicted on Khai’s back and abdomen by Bob. Khai is given the power of causing tidal waves and the power of freezing the enemy.

He proceeds to cause a tidal wave that sweeps Bob the crab down to Antartica. In Antartica, Bob is frozen. Keling (Kaer) the Iban warrior tracks him down and proceeds to drill a hole in the ice and bury Bob. Vince gets lost in a dark forest somewhere in the Philippines. He looks at the stars, and thinks “Is there any spirit up there?” Suddenly, the celestial Sulu princess Alitaptap, in the form of Mas Ghani, appears.

“I’m with you, Briton. Take this dust. It blinds,” she says. The dust is really a million magical fireflies. Alitaptap is also called the Queen of the Fireflies. Suddenly, a 10-headed dragon appears. The dragon is none other than the Balinese, Zahid. Vince tries to slice off the dragon’s heads, but it is invincible. Just then, Sulu warrior god Khanlaon emerges, in the form of Adam Saman. Khanlaon battles the dragon, and slices all of its heads off. However, the heads re-emerge. Khanlaon summons his pet eagles, and they pluck out the dragon’s eyes. He tries to behead the dragon again, unsuccessfully. "This is no demon, it's an immortal," he says.

Vince throws the packet he received from Alitaptap at the dragon’s head. The fireflies swarm out and cover the dragon. The dragon catches fire and vanishes without a trace. Bob leaps out of his prison in Antartica and picks Khai up from China’s Yangzi River. He flings Khai up to the sun.

Along the way, Khai thinks of Jimi Hendrix. The Roman sun god Apollo emerges, in the form of Justin Guarini. “Brave Maori, I am with you. You have fire in your belly, and I’ll give you extra power,” Apollo says. Vince is now in the forests of England. He has tracked Zahid down to Britain. Zahid fires a golden arrow and it hits Vince.

Vince falls and faints. “Is this Merlin’s forest?” he mumbles. Just then, Merlin appears in the form of Clay Aiken. “These arrows do not kill, but they stun you for a while. Dodge them with my power of turning invisible,” he says.

Khai tracks Bob down to the Greek islands. Bob transforms himself into the Kraken, the sea beast. The Kraken flings Khai across the Mediterranean into the Bermuda Triangle. “I’m lost,” Khai says.

“No, you are not. You are only lost if you think you are,” says a stranger. The stranger turns out to be Diana, the Greek spirit of the moon and the hunt. She comes in the form of, who else, Diana DeGarmo.

“Listen, Kahuna. Within you is the power to change lives. You can control the emotions of your enemy. Use this power and do not kill.”

Diana sends forth the celestial cat, Nemo, to assist Khai. Nemo has the power of seeing evil in every corner of the planet.

Vince tracks Zahid down to Mauritius, a peaceful island in the Indian Ocean.

“I hope he is himself and not any other creature,” he says. Zahid emerges as a giant crocodile from a river. The crocodile swings Vince into the sky with its tal. Vince catches hold of a cliff, and uses his melting powers to melt the crocodile’s teeth. But the crocodile sees its teeth grow again.

“Is Gaia around in Africa?” says Vince.

Gaia, the African earth spirit, appears in the form of Fantasia Barrino. “Briton, we are like ebony and ivory. Proceed with your new found strength,” Gaia says. Vince goes on to stun the crocodile with deadly poison from the palms of his hands. After a while, the crocodile emerges from its sleep, and tries to attack Vince again.

The Kabaka (Ruben), Gaia (Fantasia) and the Amazon Queen (Kelly) emerge. They tell Vince that the greatest power is forgiveness. Vince tells the crocodile, “You are part of me and I forgive you. If you insist on becoming the one Immortal, you will lose your immortality.” Zahid transforms back into the Balinese. He says, “Forgive me, brother. I am with you. This is our planet.”

Khai tracks Bob down into the centre of the Earth. It is a very fiery place. Khai is now using Nemo to find his way around. Bob emerges as a fiery demon. Khai says: “Freeze!” Bob is frozen, again.

But Khai sees his body deteriorating. “I’m melting down here,” he says. The spirits who helped him, namely moon spirit Diana
(DeGarmo), Javanese Queen of the South Seas (Trias), Cherokee Wind Spirit
(Kibbin), Isis (Locke), Apollo (Guarini), and Merlin (Aiken) appear before him.

They tell him that the only way to defeat the enemy is to save him. “His heart knows no goodness. You can only vanquish him by being kind to him,” says Locke. Khai says: “Come back to our world, Bob. I forgive you.” He proceeds to pull Bob in a block of ice back to Sarawak.

Peace at last Vince and Khai shake hands with Zahid and Bob inside the majestic Mulu Caves. The Malaysian spirits, Keling (Kaer), Princess Santubong (Farah), Princess Sejinjang
(Nurul), Khanlaon (Adam), Alitaptap (Mas), and Sumandak (Linda) surround them. Zahid and Bob pledge loyalty to Vince as the lord of all Immortals. ends

Cerpen Four This fiction work is the second novel to celebrate the winners of Akademi Fantasia 2.

On August 14, 2004, the top three winners of Akademi Fantasia season 2 were announced. The champion was Zahid Baharuddin, 24, of Kuala Lumpur. The second and third placers were Sabahans Linda Nanuwil, 20, and Adam Saman, 21, respectively. The trio have just been absorbed into the Idol Fellowship (IF), and IF deputy president Vince Chong has just sent them announcements on their admission via e-mail.

The IF has also absorbed a new member, Azizi Mohamad, who won third place behind Vince Chong and Khairul Nizam Wahi (Khai) in the first season of Akademi Fantasia. The IF originally admitted two winners of Akademi Fantasia per season, but has now decided to admit three winners per season, to standardise the Akademi Fantasia and American Idol admission procedures.

Our story begins in one of the most pleasant cities in Malaysia, Kota Kinabalu, which is the capital city of Malaysia’s easternmost state of Sabah. Asma Ghani (Mas), 23, and Linda Nanuwil
(Linda), 20, sit in Beach Street, Kota Kinabalu, which is the miniature Bintang Walk (Kuala Lumpur’s entertainment district) of Sabah’s state capital. They are sipping their drinks which they ordered from Sugar Bun, the most popular fast food restaurant in town, and which is a meeting place for youngsters in the city. Asma is a Bajau-Bruneian single mother from Tawau, in the east coast of Sabah.

She has two children. Her ancestors were once taken from Sabah to the Cocos Islands in Australia, by planter John Clunies Ross, to work in his plantation. The Cocos Islanders are largely found in Tawau which is the third largest town in Sabah. Linda is a Kadazan or Dusun, from Ranau near Mount Kinabalu. The Kadazans or Dusuns are Sabah’s largest indigenous tribe. The Bajaus and Bruneians are the second and third largest tribes in the state respectively.

Mas is congratulating Linda on winning second place in the contest, and for becoming the first Sabahan to make it to the tops of the contest. Mas finished seventh in the contest. A close friend of Linda and Mas, Adam Saman, from Kota Kinabalu, finished third. He is of Chinese, Bajau, Bruneian and Kadazan ancestry, making him a truly Sabahan entertainer. Linda is informing Mas about the Idol Fellowship which is an informal gathering of the top threes of Akademi Fantasia, American Idol and the coming Malaysian Idol contest.

Mas, Linda and Adam are close friends of Vince Chong (Vince), Khairul Nizam Wahi
(Khai) and Azizi Mohamad, the top three winners of the first Akademi Fantasia season respectively. The Sabahans are aware that Nemo, the mascot of Akademi Fantasia, which is Khai’s pet cat, has magical powers.

If an Akademi Fantasia or American Idol member strokes Nemo, he or she will be united with the top winners of the Malaysian and American talent contests. Nemo teleports IF members to any destination they wish. Membership of IF is conditional on one’s good behaviour. One should not be romantically linked with other members, and one cannot be involved in indecent behaviour.

(Key: ZB = Zahid, LN = Linda, AS = Adam, MG = Mas, KA = Kaer, BU = Bob, ZZ = Zarina, FA = Farah, NH = Nurul, RT = Burn, VC = Vince, KW = Khai, AM = Azizi, KC = Kelly Clarkson, RS = Ruben Studdard, FB = Fantasia, DG = Diana, JT = Jasmine, CA = Clay, NK = Nicole, KL = Kimberley, N = Nemo)

MG: There is nothing like sipping sugar cane juice in Beach Street, KK. LN: I think KK is a beautiful and liveable city, walking up and down KK is simply therapeutic. MG: Linda, do you see what I see? LN: Nemo! Oh, he is cute. So cute. N: Meow!

(Linda picks up Nemo and starts stroking the cat. Suddenly, Khai and Vince appear. The two pretty guys take their seats next to Linda and Mas) VC: Hi, Linda! Hi, Mas! KW: How are you both doing? Congrats to you, Linda. And good show, Mas. VC: Yeah, congrats. LN: Thanks for inspiring me and supporting me all the way, Vince. You are the greatest. MG: How are the American Idols, Vince? VC: You’ll soon be meeting them. KW: Anyone in particular you’d love to meet? MG: My pick would be Fantasia and Kelly. LN: Mine would be Clay, Jasmine and Diana.

(Linda strokes Nemo again. At that moment, Jasmine Trias appears. She taps Khai’s shoulder) KW: Oh, hello, Jas! Meet our distant cousins, Mas and Linda of Sabah. JT: Great to meet you, Linda, Mas. And congrats, Linda. MG: How’s the other Idols getting along, Jas? JT: You’ll be meeting them soon.
(Suddenly, Diana DeGarmo appears behind Khai. She slaps Khai’s back) KW: Ouch! N: Meow! (Nemo leaps into Diana’s embrace) DG: Hi, folks! How’s life? JT: Don’t be rough on Khai, Di.

(Trias strokes Khai’s back. Nemo jumps back into Khai’s embrace) VC: Di, meet our juniors from Akademi Fantasia. This is Mas, from Sabah. This is Linda, also from Sabah. Linda is the second winner for this year. DG: Congrats, Linda. It’s good for Khai and Jas to have a new relative in the Idol Fellowship. Take care of Khai, please, Linda. He can be quite a flirt! JT: Enough please, Di. MG: Mas and Khai very OK. I have no problems with him.
(Mas holds Khai’s hand) LN: Same here.

(Linda also holds Khai’s hand) VC: Actually, Khai has two more relatives in the IF now. There is Zahid the champion and Adam the third placer. DG: Kelly would be here soon.

(Kelly Clarkson appears behind Vince. She pats Vince’s back, and takes a seat next to him) LN: Great to meet you, Kelly. MG: Yeah, it’s so good that you can make it here. I am Mas, from Sabah. This is Linda, also from Sabah. Linda is the second placer this year. KC: Congrats, Linda. This is my first time here. I like the ambience. LN: KK is a very therapeutic city by the sea. VC: How’s Ruben and Fantasia keeping, Kelly? KC: You’ll be meeting them soon. Oh, Vince, you are looking good this evening. VC: I always look good. Linda, Mas, Kelly is my foster sister in the Idol Fellowship. Jasmine and Diana are Khai’s foster sisters in the IF. LN: Kelly, you do have some resemblance to Vanessa Chong, Vince’s attractive elder sister. KC: Thanks. I know Vanessa and have the highest respect for her. She tells me to keep an eye on Vince when he is in the US. Hey, Linda, I think you can be Vince’s foster sister, too, since he has inspired you. VC: We share a lot in common, don’t we, Linda? LN: Definitely (Linda holds Vince’s hand firmly). JT: Did you send me this e-mail, Linda?

(The e-mail reads: “This is Linda from Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia. I think you are really sweet and beautiful. I am so glad you have decided to be Khai’s best friend in America. Both of you are long lost siblings. Please keep an eye on Khai and make sure Khai does not learn to smoke”) LN: Yes, that’s mine. KW: Talking behind my back, eh, Linda. JT: Khai, she’s only trying to be nice (Trias smacks Khai’s hand gently). DG: Well said, Linda. Khai does need looking after. MG: That was not right, Linda. I think you should have gotten Khai’s permission before writing to Jas about Khai. JT: Small matter, Mas. Don’t worry about it. VC: I see you have been sending me an e-mail, Mas.

(Vince reads the e-mail. It says, Vince, I think you are very sweet, cute and cuddly. I would love to meet you) MG: Yes, that’s mine. KC: I fully agree with you, Mas. It could have been me sending that e-mail to Vince.

(Kelly pats Vince’s hand) VC: I think Khai is the Mr Loverboy. He will always be. LN: Yes, he is. That is why we are all very protective of him.

(Mas, Linda, Trias and DeGarmo all put their hands on Khai) KC: Hi, Fantasia. My, you surprise me with your sudden guest appearance. FB: This is my Academy, Kelly. And I want to meet cute Mr Vince. I miss him. VC: Fantasia, meet Linda, the second placer for this year’s Academy. And this is Linda’s fellow Sabahan, Mas. FB: So good to meet you, Linda. Congratulations. Folks, I wish to say that I am honoured to be with all of you tonight. You Malaysians are the best people around. MG: Thanks, Fantasia. You really made my day. FB: Vince, Kelly, all the American Idols and the participants of the first and second seasons of AF are in New York with me. Let’s all meet them now. KC: Okay, folks. Let’s get Nemo.

(The AF and AI participants all stroke Nemo and get teleported to a cafe within a studio in New York. It is the same place where Vince and Khai did their special edition of American Idol with Fantasia, Diana and Jasmine)

Now, on to New York Sitting in the cafe, around several joined tables, are the American Idols Ruben Studdard, Clay Aiken, Justin Guarini, Nicole McKibbin and Kimberley Locke. With them are Vince’s and Khai’s batch of Akademi students namely Azizi Mohamad, Nija Tahar, Liza Ismail, Sahri Sarip, Nurul Hana Mahzan, Rosma Sidik, Rueben Thevandran, Atie Abu Bakar, Adi Fashla Juraimi and Azza Suhaimi.

Reigning AF champion Zahid Baharuddin, third placer Adam Saman, and their fellow students of the second season, Farah Anuar, Bob Usop, Kaer Azami, Nurul Hamid, Zarina Zainoordin, Anding Zaini, Fitri Zainal Abidin and Edlin Rahim are also in the cafe. As soon as the group from KK arrive with Nemo, Zahid and Adam come up to Vince and greet him with handshakes. They also shake hands with Kelly, Fantasia, Diana and Jasmine. The American Idols in the cafe congratulate Linda.

Vince announces that Zahid is one of the new vice-presidents of the Idol Fellowship and he will take his place next to Fantasia and Ruben. Khai announces that Linda and Adam are the new members of the IF runners-up or Ruppies.

The Ruppies’ president is Diana, while Jasmine is deputy president. Khai and Azizi are the vice presidents. Vince announces that Azizi has officially joined the Idol Fellowship belatedly. Azizi says: “Better late than never!” The AI and AF vocalists all applaud Vince, Khai, Azizi, Zahid, Linda and Adam.

VC: I had a wonderful dream about all of you American Idols and the top seven of this year’s AF. Zahid, you were a great sparring partner. I felt that I was Harrison Ford in The Fugitive and you were Tommy Lee Jones. ZB: More like Mortal Kombat and Jet Li movies. KW: I liked Adam’s and Mas’ characters. Adam was the Yang and Mas was the Yin of the Philippines and Bajau mythology. MG: Yes, my Princess Alitaptap was out of the ordinary. I love fireflies. AS: And my Lord Kanloan could do with a magic bottle of carrot juice to keep him actively slaying demons. JT: I think both of you are the El Nino and La Nina of the Philippines. DG: Don’t say that, Jas. You’ll cause a storm. LN: I saved Vince once, though he saves me in real life (Linda holds Vince’s hand). ZB: Your Sumandak could have been a character in Shrek. She is a kindly fairy from the mountains. KC: Okay, I think there is someone we should thank who is not here today. Tell them, Vince. VC: He is Mr Zainal Alam Kadir, a brilliant journalist, entertainer and friend of all AF students. He brought us together. FB: On behalf of the AI vocalists, I would like to say thank you Mr Alam. God bless. AM: On behalf of AF season ones, I say thank you, Mr Alam. You are the greatest. ZB: On behalf of AF season twos, I say thank you, Mr Alam. You rock. KC: Kaer, thanks for performing Sway by Michael Buble. He is great. I’m a big fan and I think he is sexy, though second to Vince (Kelly cuddles Vince). KA: Vince, you are in safe hands in America. BU: Yeah, Vince. I envy you. KC: Linda, could you show me how Halle Berry would greet Vince if she meets him?

(Linda says nothing. She just walks up to Vince, smiles and hugs him passionately. Then, Linda kisses Vince’s cheeks) AM: Yeah, Linda. You rock! CA: I am honoured to meet you guys today. This is my first big meeting with Malaysians. If there is a middle kingdom, you guys are it. AM: Clay, meet my friends from West Malaysia. Here is Azza, Adi Fashla, Rueben, Atie, Rosma, Nurul Hana, Sahri, Liza, and Nija from season one. And this is Edlin, Fitri, Zarina, Kaer and Farah from season two. ZB: Bob and Kaer are budding TV presenters. Fitri is a budding fashion designer. Anding Zaini, who is from Sarawak with Bob and Nurul, is a budding film maker. KW: Zarina, Nija and Nurul Hana are with me from Johor state, the southernmost state in Malaysia. VC: Rueben and I are childhood friends from KL. AM: Rosma and Atie are with me from Pahang state, the third largest state in Malaysia. RS: You folks from Borneo are naturally musical, not unlike the African Americans. Zahid, I hear you also have a Borneo connection and it shows. ZB: My ancestors are Bruneians, just like Bob’s and Nurul’s. I’ll be off on a holiday in Brunei, soon. Maybe that’s a good time to learn about my family history. BU: Vince, Khai, tell me honestly, did any of our friends from the AI kiss you? VC: Yes (Vince points to Kelly and Fantasia). KW: Yes indeed
(Khai points to Jasmine and Diana). ZZ: Well done, Kelly and friends. You are all very sporting and I salute you. I always think Vince and Khai have good screen chemistry with all of you. KA: I like the idea of being Keling the Iban warrior. He brokered peace between Princess Santubong, that’s Farah, and Princess Sejinjang, that’s Nurul, her not-so-kindly elder sister. FA: Yeah, Keling used his powers to change Sejinjang into a kindly sibling of Santubong. NH: Sejinjang and Santubong eventually joined forces to help Vince the Briton fight the Balinese Zahid. ZB: And the Balinese thought Vince was Sir James Brooke. RT: I like the idea of you being Merlin, Clay. You made Vince invisible, like in your song. CA: I am a young Merlin. AM: I think the only character who looked regal was Kimberley as Isis. KL: Who would you have been, Azizi? AM: John Denver, perhaps. NK: You got the hair, Azizi. Nice butterscotch colour to match my ketchup hair (Nicole touches Azizi’s hair). MG: Bob, thanks for being the robber crab. Those creatures from the Cocos Islands fascinate me. BU: I especially enjoyed plucking Khai from the Yangzi River. KW: You were more awesome than Jackie Chan. BU: No, I’m Samo Hung.

(Rosma Sidik chips in and says “Size does not matter”. Nurul Hana, a DJ, remarks that perhaps she should have recorded their conversation and sent it to her radio station. Edlin Rahim comments that Fantasia, Diana and Jasmine fit nicely into Vince’s and Khai’s story) AS: Here’s something for all of you I received for free from Beach Street. (Adam shows his friends a bottle of carrot juice. He serves the drink to everyone) KA: Here’s something for all of you I received for free from Beach Street. I got it from the Gents.

(Diana walks up to Kaer and smacks his hands) KC: Cool it, Di. What have you got there, Kaer? KA: Sorry, folks. It is not what it seems. It is green tea (Kaer serves the green tea to everyone) VC: Guess we’ll have to call it a day now. Once again, congrats to Zahid, Linda and Adam. Welcome to the IF. You, too, Azizi. KC: Listen to Vince, folks. He’s THE man
(Kelly holds Vince’s hand. Fantasia follows suit). JT: And Khai’s the Kahuna, who rules the Pacific
(Jasmine holds Khai’s hand. Diana follows suit). DG: The Kahuna can’t win any war without Diana, Queen of the Hunt. KW: On behalf of Nemo, I would like to say you all have made me very happy. Thanks a million. N: Meow!



Originally posted by Azhari on

Jokes : Tanda-tanda Demam Akademi Fantasia II Anda Masih Belum Kebah

originally adapted from ashburn

1. Anda lebih sanggup mengikat perut dan tidak pergi ke shopping malls walaupun pada masa Great Malaysian Sale kerana anda lebih rela beli prepaid topup kad anda untuk mengafundi pelajar AF II anda yg diminati.



2. Anda tidak langsung rasa bersalah apabila anda menggunakan telefon bimbit ahli-ahli keluarga anda untuk mengafundi pelajar favourite anda.



3. Walaupun anda sudah bercucu empat, anak sudah besar panjang, anda masih lagi mengafundi Zahid setiap hari dan mengarahkan anak-anak anda berbuat begitu juga.



4. Sanggup menghabiskan duit pencen anda yang seciput itu untuk mengafundi pelajar favourite AF II anda.



5. Sanggup berbaik2 dengan adik beradik anda yang sudah lama tak bertegur hanya kerana rumahnya ada Astro.



6. Sanggup menghabiskan uwang membeli baju berwarna oren (walaupun anda sebenarnya sudah terlalu sengkek bulan ni) kerana ingin memberitahu seantero dunia yang anda peminat Zahid.



7. Sanggup mengeluarkan duit simpanan dari Tabung Haji untuk menampung kehidupan anda di bulan2 kering (dek kerana mengafundi peserta favourite dengan banyaknya).



8. Sanggup membuang masa berejam-jam di blog-blog (di sini, juga di sini contohnya) yang mengulas tentang Diari Akademi Fantasi secara terperinci dan tidak memperdulikan kerja-kerja pejabat anda yang makin bertimbun.



9. Sanggup bergaduh dan bertikam lidah dengan orang-orang tidak dikenali hanya kerana membacking pelajar AF II favourite anda walaupun anda tahu dan sedar yang peserta favourite anda tidak akan membaca pendapat anda.



10. Tiba-tiba suka makan cekodok.



11. Tiba-tiba suka memancing.



12. Tiba-tiba anda rasa anda perlu untuk ke Tawau untuk merasa sate hasil tangan ibu pelajar favourite AF II anda.



13. Tiba-tiba anda rasa gelek penyanyi2 dangut adalah tarian terseksi di dalam dunia.



14. Tiba-tiba bercita-cita hendak jadik architect walaupun usia anda sudah terlalu lanjut untuk mencapai cecita tersebut.



15. Memarahi anak anda kerana tidak mengafundi pelajar AF II favourite anda sehingga pelajar itu terkeluar.



16. Sanggup tidak ke kenduri berinai saudara dekat anda kerana tidak mahu terlepas menonton Konsert Akademi Fantasia.



17. Hanya sanggup menikah selepas berakhirnya siri Akademi Fantasia dan tidak sebelum itu.



18. Sanggup dimarahi ibu kerana tidak mahu pergi ke kenduri arwah saudara di kampung kerana kenduri itu dibuat pada hari Sabtu malam.



19. Menghabiskan masa berjam-jam di pantry di ofis untuk mengupas program diari dan konsert Akademi Fantasia malam sebelumnya lagaknya melebihi juri professional.



20. Sanggup berembun di Dewan Sivik MPPJ pada pukul 12 malam dengan harapan dapat ticket konsert mingguan percuma.



21. Berasa sangat-sangat kecewa apabila mengetahui yang tiket-tiket itu hanya diberi pada pukul 3pagi.



22. Sanggup membayar lebih 100% lebih daripada harga asal tiket Konsert akhir Akademi Fantasia walaupun pada masa tengah-tengah bulan.



23. Sanggup bermuncung bibir dan tidak bertegur sapa dengan kawan- kawan kerana peserta AF II favourite berbeza-beza.



24. Tiba-tiba rasa upah RM100 untuk sepasang baju kurung tidak mahal walaupun dahulu anda merungut jika upah menjahit baju kurung adalah RM60 sahaja.



25. Sanggup membeli sapu tangan dan belajar mengikat bandangan.



26. Tiba-tiba timbul minat untuk ingin mempelajari bermain guitar.



27. Rasa kosong dan terkedu apabila menyedari yang seri Akademi Fantasia II sudah pun habis.



28. Menonton ch@15 dan menyerang balas statement2 daripada peminat- peminat fanatik AFII dengan begitu bersemangat sekali.



29. Turut jua mengatakan yang sebuah kamera yang tidak mempunya hati, perasaan dan personaliti sebagai cute hanya kerana pelajar AF II favourite anda juga berkata demikian.



30. Tiba-tiba merasakan yang M. Daud Kilau, yang dahulunya dikutuk oleh anda, sebagai seorang yang cool.



31. Sanggup mengambil risiko yang tinggi dan membeli tiket Konsert Mingguan dan Konsert Akhir AFII daripada orang-orang yang tidak langsung dikenali (dan tidak bekerja di Axcess Charge).



32. Sanggup tidur pada pukul 1.30 pagi supaya anda tidak lepas menonton Diari Akademi Fantasia walaupun anda mula bekerja pada pukul 8 pagi dan majikan anda adalah seorang yang garang.



33. Rasa marah yang meluap-luap apabila pengkiritk mengutuk/mengomen peserta favourite AFII anda dengan negatifnya.



34. Terlupa memberi kucing anda makan kerana terlalu masyuk menonton Diari atau Konsert AF II



35. Masih lagi menonton ch@15 walaupun Konsert AF II sudahpun berakhir.



36. Menelefon dan merecce terlebih dahulu tempat penginapan percutian anda untuk bertanyakan samada hotel tersebut mempunyai siaran Astro Ria di sana.



37. Rasa panik melampau-lampau bila anda dapati yang tempat penginapan tersebut tidak mempunyai siaran Astro Ria.



38. Sanggup bermati-matian mebacking pelajar favorite AFII anda di forum/komen blog/yahoo messenger conference walaupun anda sedar anda berada di pihak minoriti (1 lawan berpuluh orang).



39. Tiba-tiba menyampah dan meluat maksima terhadap seorang bekas pelajar AFI kerana "merampas" teman lelaki peserta favourite AF II anda.



40. Mimpi anda menjadi begitu extravanganza sehinggakan anda bermimpi yang pelajar Recyle AF II memulangkan trofi kemenangannya.



41. Menggunakan perkataan-perkataan seperti "pitching lari ke laut" dan sebagainya di dalam kehidupan seharian.



42. Menonton ulangan konsert pada hari Ahad pagi walaupun anda baru sahaja menonton siaran Konsert itu beberapa jam sebelum ini.



43. Sanggup sorok status perkahwinan semata2 ada keinginan untk mengambil Mas sebagai isteri kedua.



44. Setiap kali makanan ikan anda habis, ataupun anda tidak terlalu sihat, anda akan mencarik Johnny dan Jenny untuk mengadu kepadanya.



45. Nama kucing anda Markonah tiba-tiba jadik "Johnny".



46. still spend weekend kt umah mak cik yg ade astro wpun AF dh abis



47. bila terdengar orang menyanyi dekat dengan anda, anda mula bagi komen pasal pitching, falsetto, ad-lib, feel....



48. sanggup menyuruh rakan anda yg berada di dalam dewan konsert untuk melaporkan keadaan setiap 30 minit ketika kenduri aruah sedang berlangsung, sehingga turut terlupa yang radio Era juga ada siaran langsung



49. menyuruh anak anda yang seramai 5 orang itu untuk mengembangkan rambut ala² p3



50. sudah berkira ² untuk beraya dengan kimono sekeluarga tahun ini



51. sanggup menaja baju kaler oren sebab nak suruh sama2 bg semangat utk pelajar favourite anda



52. bunyik hon keta dah tukar jd breep.. breep..



53. tetiba bangga jd sagitarrian.. huhuhu..



54. tetiba rasa rendah diri tengok muka sendiri yg tak selicin muka farah..



55. dah mula pasang azam tak mo m'punyai keluarga tak bahagia



56. Sanggup menunda membeli cincin kahwin walhal majlis lagi seminggu semata2 takut terlepas ke konsert Final AF



57. Tetibe aje nak beli teddybear letak dalam bilik



58. Practise "tahan perut" walaupun anda hanya lah ketawa. Mana tau, takut orang sebelah komen pitching gelak anda "terkeluar acuan".



59. Hadiahkan org tercinta dengan VCDs Akademi Fantasia. Bunga dan kad sudah tidak dihargai lagi.



60. Bercita2 untuk namakan anak2 anda Zahid, Kaer dan Adam.



61. Sampai bermasam muka dgn suami gara2 dia mengajak tengok "Spiderman" di malam Konsert AF.



62. Tak senang duduk masa company dinner sbb tak dapat nak menonton konsert AF.



63. semua security camera kat opis anda sudah ada name ... Johnny, Jenny, Sammy, Kenny, dll.



64. Sorok semua marker bila dengar bos nak adalah mesyuarat tergempar



65. kalau yg tengah mengandung tu tgh berkira2 nak namakan anak dengan nama... Zahid... Farah... Linda... Adam... Yusrizan... Zarina... Asma... ataupun Muhammad Afundi.



66. selalu berlatih teknik bubbling dan berusaha sedaya upaya utk melakukannya walaupun air liur meleleh keluar dgn banyaknya...



67. ajar anak mengira, one two three four five six seven eight (sampai eight saje dgn nada cikgu linda jasmine)



68. dah pandai menari ala2 menuju puncak.. lompat2.. hehehe.. malu seh..



69. nampak je camera kat shopping complex atau dalam lift tersengeh2 sorang.. berangan masuk dalam diary.. padahal seblom nie nengok je camera tu, buat muka meluat.. hehehehe.. heheheh



70. tak pasal2 mak2 bagi izin .. yg paling penting GALAKAN masuk audition af.



71. nescaya, segala puteri termasuk pandu puteri dah mula pasang niat dan prektis nyanyi..



72. tetiba terasa cam nak keja kat astro... wakaka....



73. sikat rambut girlfriend utk pujuk dia bila merajuk



74. Tahun lepas suruh mak suap cekodok, tahun ini nak cari artis pulak suap cekodok



75. Takut makan APOM sebab tak nak gemuk



76. Dulu kalau ketawa, pin jatuh pun boleh dengar ... sekarang ... Waaa Hak Hak Hak Hak Hak !!!!!



77. terpanggil member ofis yg lelaki dengan nama ZAHID



78. terhantar sms kat kwn dng no 32999



79. Setiap kali tengok Linda, senyum memanjang.



80. dah mula tunggu untuk AF3.



81. sanggup memerah otak mengingat kembali & mencari point & menulis tanda2 demam AF masih belum kebah



82. walaupun mamak tu dah 20 tahun duduk malaysia, anda nak jugak order roti canai dengan mamak tu cakap tamil... ammmaaa...



83. sanggup mengadap cermin berjam-jam sambil mengusap rambut yang dah hampir tiada di kepala



84. sanggup merayu untuk mendapat sehelai rambut dari kawan perempuan dipejabat yang berambut panjang untuk merasa korek telinga dengan rambut.



85. semua sampul surat pejabat yang nak dihantar atas urusan rasmi, dilukis corak-corak ditepi seperti surat wasiat AF.



86. kain tudung emak diambil buat bandangan.



87. berhenti kerja yang ada sekarang sekadar untuk bekerja di stesen petronas supaya lebih meessrrraaaa..



88. berangan nak buat blog sendiri walaupun tak pandai menulis dengan harapan dapat masuk imbasan AF (hahahahaa)



89. asal datang rumah orang je, nak tidur kat ruang tamu. lepas tu berdengkur kuat-kuat.



90. tahun ni taknak buat baju raya sebab nak simpan duit untuk beli top-up.



91. rim tayar basikal terpakai kat rumah tu pasang dalam bilik tidur buat roda denda. lepas tu paksa adik-adik pusing.



92. bangun tidur bukak channel 15, balik kerja channel 15, sambil makan tengok channel 15, masuk bilik menunggu pun pasang channel 15 kuat-kuat.. asal boleh dengar, jadilah...



93. asyik terdengar2 lagu sway versi kaer tak kira saat dan ketika even masa aku nak semayang gak.



94. latih gf every single minute supaya dapat sebut "johhnnyyyyy" sebijik cam farah..



95. paksa dia makan byk2 bagi chubby cam farah



96. tiba2 terasa nak kawin cepat so boleh dapat anak cam kaer..



97. pukul 8.30pm tangan automatik switch on ch4, mengharapkan adanya diari akademi fantasia



98. cokodok tiba2 naik status jadi makanan kegemaran rakyat Malaysia.



99. sanggup menyuruh bf memakai subang semata2 nak nampak macho cam Ramli MS

Sapa yang terkena batang idung sendiri tu.... angkat keyboard!!!



Originally posted by Azhari on

Ponder : Traffic Situation, Strange Thoughts, or, What Makes The World Go Round

The traffic situation can do strange things to you. Or rather, sitting in a car with a poorly serviced air-conditioner, with traffic in a standstill due to some people choosing a decidedly peak rush hour to amend some decidedly dangerous cracks in some decidedly busy flyovers and you are trying to get to your office in Kelana Jaya when you actually stay at the other end of the world that is Ampang can do strange things to you. One of the things, I found out, is to make your mind wonder. And when you let your mind wonder, you invite some, at best, misconceived thoughts.

So, there I was, staring blankly ahead, frowning yet again at rows upon rows of cars having the same fate as mine. At about the same time, the Radio Deejay announced that she has just received an SMS from a `Traffic Ranger' saying that the road from Taman Melawati to Kepong is heavily jammed. The first thought that came to mind was in a form of a wish: something similar to if only I had boarded that LRT instead, quite forgetting that yesterday I had to let three LRTs pass before I could get into one, simply because the doors shut too fast.

Believe me, if you try to board the LRT at Ampang Park station, after duly letting people alight, you'd barely have time to board it before the door closing siren sounds, though you can still opt to jump in at your own peril. Each time this happens, you'd utter a silent curse and swear that tomorrow you would take the car to work.

And each time you do take the car to drive to work, some people would decide that a particular stretch of road needs repair or refurbishing, and some other people would gladly choose the most peculiar time to carry out such work. Such as, when everybody else is rushing to work.

Perhaps it's their own unique way of telling people that, hey ! I'm actually doing this for you, man. And then they'd half-expectedly assume that we actually blare our honks in support. Otherwise, why do they continue their work so nonchalantly, even sporting a grin sometimes, when we finally get pass them and blare our honks madly? Makes us really feel that sometimes hand signals are more appropriate, thus barely managing to refrain from flashing some deliciously obscene hand gestures.

End of first thought, eyes back on the road. Traffic still not moving. In such a situation, it's hard to even imagine the truth when those scientists say that, at the equator, the earth rotates at a constant speed of 1,670 kilometres per hour (which is equivalent to 1,070 miles per hour). In comparison, The London-Paris Eurostar bullet train travels at 300 kilometres per hour, and a long haul Boeing 777 jet travels at a cruising speed of 500 kilometres per hour. Whatever, but as far as I'm concerned, there I was, stuck in a stationary car, with miles and miles of equally stranded traffic in front of me.

So, what makes the world go round, I asked myself. If you think about it, you'd begin to realize that everything in this world goes around. Like they say: what comes around goes around (though that actually has another meaning). Just take a look around; it looks like everything spins around by itself, or goes around another. The moons spins and goes around the earth in continuous orbit. The earth rotates and orbits the sun. And most probably the whole Milky Way rotates and orbits some God Knows What. That's probably (I say probably because I'd rather leave the physics out) true of the protons and neutrons too. Perhaps it's just an inborn habit. Perhaps there's an unwritten rule. Or perhaps it's a law of sorts. Not unlike the compulsory rounds of `tawaf' when we do our pilgrimage.

Whatever the answer might be, today I got to be wiser than to take the same likely-to-be congested road. I took the Ampang Elevated Highway instead, and was delighted at the relatively smooth flow of the traffic, and the prospect of arriving early. So that's the end of it, I hear you say. Errrrr well not quite. If you take this highway during rush hour, upon coming out at the Jalan Tun Razak exit, you'd notice a character wearing a full face crash helmet, standing in a luminous vest amidst the flowing traffic, waving hands in much the same way, and with much the same air of authority, as a traffic policeman would have.

The only thing is, he's not a traffic policeman. At least he does not appear to be one. And he does not wear any uniform, or any sign or emblem or whatever indicating where he is attached to. But there he is, standing there reliably every morning without fail, tirelessly directing traffic, generally unnoticed and unappreciated by the drivers. So much so that on the few occasions he was absent, the road would be heavily jammed, and then people would notice his absence and start to curse the traffic police, the DBKL and whomsoever they could think of. So, who could he be? To most drivers, whoever he might be, as far as they are concerned, he just made the world go round for them.

Well, come to think about it, perhaps he's employed by Projek Lintasan Kota Sdn. Bhd. Perhaps by the DBKL. Perhaps he's a cop in civilian clothes. Perhaps he's just a good and equally rich Samaritan with nothing better to do. Or perhaps I dramatized about him too much. Perhaps I simply read and watched too much of Judge Dredd (remember 2000 A. D.?) and Robocop. Or perhaps I have just let my mind wonder way too much this time.

Ah! like I said, the traffic situation can do strange things to you.



Originally posted by Midgee on

Jokes : Lagu Kepong Bridge (MRR2)

best giler lagu nie!!!
- rinie

In years to come, our children may be singing this nursery rhyme in the tadikas...

Kepong Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down.
Kepong Bridge is falling down,
My fair Samy.

Take a gag and shut us up,
Shut us up, shut us up.
Take a gag and shut us up,
My fair Samy.

How will we build it up,
Build it up, build it up?
How will we build it up again,
My fair Samy?

Build it up with tax and toll,
Tax and toll, tax and toll.
Build it up with tax and toll,
My fair Samy.

Roads and bridges bend and break,
Bend and break, bend and break.
Roads and bridges bend and break,
My fair Samy.

Blame it on an Act of God,
Act of God, Act of God.
Blame it on an Act of God,
My fair Samy.

Rocks and blames will wash away,
Wash away, wash away.
Rocks and blames will wash away,
My fair Samy.

Parody sing along to "London Bridge Is Falling Down"



Originally posted by Rinie on