Jokes : LOTR as being told by Ah Beng

Especially for LOTR fans..... as how we remember....

#1 Aragorn:

"Sons of Gondor, of Rohan. My brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come, when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of Fellowship, but it is not this day! An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you, stand, men of the West!"

Ah Beng Malay:
Anak Gondor dan Lohan, taiko taiko sumua! Gua nampak dalam mata lu, manyak takut, macam dalam hati gua! Satu hali nanti, kita sumua jadi takut, dan kita buang sumua kita punya member-member, dan tak flen sumua olang, tapi bukan hali ini! Satu jam nanti, ada banyak itu A-WOOOO punya binatang, sama itu stop pedang punya benda akan pecah, dan olang-olang sumua jatuh, tapi bukan hali ini. Hali ini, kita lawan sama dia! Kalau lu sumua ada mahal punya benda atas lantai, gua mau lu sumua - STAND UP! OLANG BALAT!

#2 Théoden:

"Arise! Arise, Riders of Théoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day... a red day... and the sun rises! Ride now... Ride now... Ride! Ride for ruin and the world's ending! Death! Death! Death!!! Forth, Eorlingas!"

Ah Beng Malay:
Mangun! mangun, mah-cai mah-cai Tioden! Goncang lemping lu! Pecah lu punya itu stop pedang punya benda! Hali ini ada pisau besar, hali manyak melah, matahali pun belum bangun! Pegi sekalang! Pegi sekalang! Pegi musnah, dan habis dunia! Mati! Mati! Mati! Jom, Iulingling!

#3 Gandalf:

"You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, Wielder of the flame of Anor. Dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udûn. Go back to the shadow! You shall not pass!!"

Ah Beng Malay:
OOI Lu tak boleh lalu! Gua itu diam-diam punya api punya kuli, dan gua ada api Jalan Alor! Itu hitam-hitam punya api itu sudah tak flen lu, Api Mee Udon! Balik tempat gelap lu!

LU TAK BOLEH LALU!

#4 Treebeard:

"Saruman! A Wizard should know better! There is no curse in Elvish, Entish or the tongues of Men for this treachery. My business is with Isengard tonight. With rock and stone! Hoorarooom... Come my friends. The Ents are going to war. It is likely that we go to our doom. The Last March of the Ents!"

Ah Beng Malay:
Apalah Saluman. Dawid Copperfewl pun lagi pandai. Gua tak tau ada apa 'kata-kata busuk' yang gua boleh guna, dalam cakap Hakka ka, Hokien ka atau Milayu ka, buat marah ini tak bagus punya pelangai. Ini malam, gua mau buat bisnes sama itu Ah-Seng-kad punya batu! Boo La Lulu! Jom, member-member gua! Kita sumua macam pokok punya olang, akan pegi gaduh besar! Tapi hor, nanti kita mesti mati lamai-lamai punya - ini macam, jadi kita ini macam pokok punya olang, 'last-last' punya jalan-jalan!

#5 Théoden:

"Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow; The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow."

Ah Beng Malay:
Mana itu kuda sama dia punya jokey? Mana itu tanduk yang dia olang tiup-tiup? Dia olang sudah hilang atas bukit besar, macam itu hujan; macam itu angin tiup dekat itu padang bola. Hali-hali sudah turun pegi Balat, belakang itu bukit, masuk dalam tempat gelap-gelap.

#6 Frodo:

"No Sam, I can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, or the touch of grass. I am naked in the dark. There is nothing, no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see it with my waking eyes!"

Ah Beng Malay:
Tak boleh lah, Ah-Sem. Gua sudah tak boleh ingat itu makan punya rasa, sama itu ayik punya bunyi, sama itu lumput punya 'feel'. Gua macam tak pakai baju dalam gelap. Apa pun talak - takde itu kain depan gua sama itu ada api punya tayar! Gua kalau tak tiduk pun boleh nampak dia!


Originally posted by watie on